[ He brings the cup over to her. It smells sweet, full of warm spices and red wine topped up with water. He puts it into her hands, and then without missing a bed, he puts his arm around her shoulders and squeezes them. ]
What you did tonight, Clary. It's the bravest thing I've ever seen. They expected you to say you'd hurt and kill, just like the rest of them, and even though all of them where there, looking at you, you didn't do it.
You were right. And all of them were wrong, and you told them so. I've never been more proud to be your friend.
[ It's not what she's expecting. She's waiting for someone to tell her that she's weak, that she's afraid and she'll only ever amount to a coward. She's counting on it. And then theere's d'Artagnan, with his arm around her and his kind words. She feels her eyes water before she can stop them, before she can clamp down upon the feeling and bury it. Instead of looking at him she looks at the cup he's given her, her voice thick. ]
You don't hate me? [ Because she's not following orders, because she's fighting everything they tell her to be. ] I'm pretty sure I just outed myself as the weakest. That's not something to be proud of.
[ He says that fiercely, and immediately. D'Artagnan's dark eyes hold a lot of affection for her, but it's easy to bring fire to them, too. She does now. ]
You're the strongest among them, because you know what's right and you hold to it despite them. Never think that's worthless. You stood in front of them and kept your honour.
Don't let any one of them ever tell you that you're weak.
[ She offers him the smallest smile, the kind that lifts and then vanishes into the shadows. It's not that she doesn't think she did the right thing, it's that she's so tired of having to choose all this time. ]
You know, you're the first person who hasn't been mad at me for denying Dagger.
[ She tilts her head to the side, her smile still small but a little firmer now. ] That's why I got into trouble the first time too. He wanted us to pick three people and find out their weaknesses, tell him how we'd kill them if we had to. I refused to do it. [ And it had hurt her so badly. She still wakes up with the phantom ache of her memories some time. ]
I'm sick of people thinking that it's the only way. It isn't. Killing people just because somebody tells you too? Why? Because of a test? I'd rather fail.
But Clary, that’s why it’s important. You suffered for making that choice,
and yet you’ll still make the same one. That’s why it’s brave.
[ He smiles at her, head tilting just a little. ]
That’s why I’m proud of you.
Don’t ever stop. Don’t let them change you. You’re perfect the way
you are.
[ How many people here wouldn’t agree with that? How many would tell
her she has to change, for her own safety? Not d’Artagnan. What’s right
will always matter more than what’s safe. He’s absolutely on her side,
here. ]
[ She looks up at him, her expression fracturing from worry to something sweeter. She's never been as close to d'Artagnan as she is to other people but to hear that someone is proud for her wanting to retain what makes her her completely puts her head in a spin. Even before the CDC her hesitance was a point of contention and she can only imagine what Jace would be like if he were here. He'd be a better red than she is any day. ]
I -- I needed that. [ She ducks her head, stretching out her hands and letting them settle on her knees. ] Thank you.
[ Because all of this is a big mess. Having someone who agrees with her? That makes it almost better. ]
[ It’s not to say he doesn’t worry about her, either. He doesn’t
want her to get hurt again. He’d seen what happened before, how Dagger had
made her suffer. The Red Team Instructor had earned d’Artagnan’s hatred
that day, for his willingness to torture those under his command. He
doesn’t know if this is another test Clary has failed, but if it is, he
will do what he can to help her. ]
If ever they threaten you because of this, or anything else you won’t do,
come to me. I mean it.
And drink your wine.
[ He pushes it at her, gently, and with a little smile. ]
[ It's just a joke so it doesn't hurt her as much as it would have any other time. Her eyes get a little softer as she sniffs at the wine and takes a sip. ] Mm, okay you can stay. If this is what comfort d'Artagnan style tastes like you have my approval.
Yeah. [ She smiles. ] Sometimes I just feel wrung out. I'm tired, you know?
[ She misses the days when all she worried about was high school drama and she could go home to her mom for soup and ice-cream. ] This is really good though. [ She takes another sip, a content noise spilling from her. ] Warm.
[ She nods before shifting a little to press her forehead to his shoulder. It's a childish gesture, one she always ended up doing to her mom when tired or ill. It's not even a hug, more a tired kind of headbutt mixed with a nuzzle and when she pulls away she smiles almost shyly. ]
Thanks. Again for the wine and for being awesome. I'm going to do that and try and sleep.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ She pauses in her movements and without thinking makes her way over to her bed.
Toeing her boots off as she talks. ] I stayed until the end of the movie. It didn't get any better after you left, count yourself lucky.
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[ He brings the cup over to her. It smells sweet, full of warm spices and red wine topped up with water. He puts it into her hands, and then without missing a bed, he puts his arm around her shoulders and squeezes them. ]
What you did tonight, Clary. It's the bravest thing I've ever seen. They expected you to say you'd hurt and kill, just like the rest of them, and even though all of them where there, looking at you, you didn't do it.
You were right. And all of them were wrong, and you told them so. I've never been more proud to be your friend.
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You don't hate me? [ Because she's not following orders, because she's fighting everything they tell her to be. ] I'm pretty sure I just outed myself as the weakest. That's not something to be proud of.
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[ He says that fiercely, and immediately. D'Artagnan's dark eyes hold a lot of affection for her, but it's easy to bring fire to them, too. She does now. ]
You're the strongest among them, because you know what's right and you hold to it despite them. Never think that's worthless. You stood in front of them and kept your honour.
Don't let any one of them ever tell you that you're weak.
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You know, you're the first person who hasn't been mad at me for denying Dagger.
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He can't really blame her. ]
Why would I be angry? The more people who say no, the more the challenge means. He may not value people's lives, but I do.
And so do you, even though he hurt you before. That's why it's brave.
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I'm sick of people thinking that it's the only way. It isn't. Killing people just because somebody tells you too? Why? Because of a test? I'd rather fail.
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But Clary, that’s why it’s important. You suffered for making that choice, and yet you’ll still make the same one. That’s why it’s brave.
[ He smiles at her, head tilting just a little. ]
That’s why I’m proud of you.
Don’t ever stop. Don’t let them change you. You’re perfect the way you are.
[ How many people here wouldn’t agree with that? How many would tell her she has to change, for her own safety? Not d’Artagnan. What’s right will always matter more than what’s safe. He’s absolutely on her side, here. ]
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I -- I needed that. [ She ducks her head, stretching out her hands and letting them settle on her knees. ] Thank you.
[ Because all of this is a big mess. Having someone who agrees with her? That makes it almost better. ]
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It’s all right.
[ It’s not to say he doesn’t worry about her, either. He doesn’t want her to get hurt again. He’d seen what happened before, how Dagger had made her suffer. The Red Team Instructor had earned d’Artagnan’s hatred that day, for his willingness to torture those under his command. He doesn’t know if this is another test Clary has failed, but if it is, he will do what he can to help her. ]
If ever they threaten you because of this, or anything else you won’t do, come to me. I mean it.
And drink your wine.
[ He pushes it at her, gently, and with a little smile. ]
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[ It's just a joke so it doesn't hurt her as much as it would have any other time. Her eyes get a little softer as she sniffs at the wine and takes a sip. ] Mm, okay you can stay. If this is what comfort d'Artagnan style tastes like you have my approval.
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I just put some spice in it. I thought it would warm you up.
[ He does stay beside her, though. ]
I was right, then. You were feeling low after the party. I knew it.
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[ She misses the days when all she worried about was high school drama and she could go home to her mom for soup and ice-cream. ] This is really good though. [ She takes another sip, a content noise spilling from her. ] Warm.
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[ He brings his arm back and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. ]
You should get some rest. It'll be good for you.
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Thanks. Again for the wine and for being awesome. I'm going to do that and try and sleep.
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I mean it. Come to me if you're ever afraid.
[ Letting her go, he slides off her bunk. ]
It's not like you don't know where I live.
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[ Softer. ] Goodnight.